The Final Interview
(SFX: Child gurgling, cooing noises throughout)
Mom: I’m so sorry to keep you waiting. This must have been my eighth interview today, and I needed to freshen up a bit. I must say the toy market this year must be a bit weaker than usual. Let me just look at your resume, here...
(SFX: Paper rustle)
Mom: (cont’d)…Mr. Todd Hammon.
Todd: Yes. Please, call me Todd.
Mom: I don’t understand, Todd, it says here you are a recent MBA.
Todd: That’s correct! Graduated in May.
Mom: Wonderful for you, but, I think there’s something wrong here.
Todd: I know what you’re going to say…
Mom: You see, the interviews aren’t for a business position.
Todd: I realize that.
Mom: What we are looking for is more along the line of a toy for our son, Spencer.
Todd: Yes, I am aware of that. However, it is a soft job market, and the professors always encouraged us to, you know, seek out opportunities that were off the beaten path.
Mom: Well, that’s very admirable, but…
Todd: But to give you a better explanation, I have prepared for you this power point presentation.
(SFX: Laptop booting up)
Mom: I’m not sure this is the kind of thing we had in…Oh, that’s a lovely font.
Todd: Created it myself, minored in graphic design and publishing.
Mom: Very nice-I may want to borrow that for our holiday cards.
Todd: Feel free.
Mom: This is all wonderful, and you certainly are an extraordinary young man, but I suspect you may be, uh, overqualified?
Todd: I fully understand that this is an entry-level position.
Mom: This isn’t an entry level position. It’s a toy. We are trying to find a toy for Spencer, so this isn’t like a mailroom job. This is a toy.
Todd: I work well with children, let me tell you. If you look on my resume, you will see that I have extensive mentoring experience, and was a camp counselor for three years running.
Mom: All very admirable, Mr. Hammon…
Todd: Please. Todd.
Mom: Todd, but again, we are looking for a toy. This means you will be chewed when Spencer is teething, most likely drooled upon frequently. You will probably spend a inordinate amount of time at the bottom of a toy chest, and I can’t guarantee you will come out of this with all your limbs intact.
Todd: Would I need to sign a waiver, then?
Mom: I don’t think you’re quite getting me yet, Todd, toys are generally non-living beings, and it is best that-
(SFX: enthusiastic child babbling)
Mom: (cont’d)-we kept looking-
(SFX: even more enthusiastic child babbling)
Mom: (cont’d)-in that direction. Spencer?
(SFX: ecstatic child babbling)
Mom: Well, he certainly has taken to you!
Todd: I told you, I’m good with kids.
Mom: I can see that.
Todd: Hey there, little man, I’m Todd.
(SFX: happy child babbling)
Mom: I am impressed, Todd, and, uh, we haven’t had much luck so far with finding the right toy… I can’t believe I’m saying this.
Todd: That’s all right, I can start immediately.
Mom: Good.
Todd: Well, Spence, looks like I’m your new toy.
(SFX: another bout of child babbling)
Mom: Ok, I’ll leave you two to play, then!
Todd: Oh, by the way, do you have dental?
The End
No comments:
Post a Comment