The Second Interview
(SFX: Child gurgling, cooing noises throughout.)
Mom: All right, let’s see what we have here…
(SFX: Paper rustle)
Mom: You are Mr- excuse me, Commander Zam.
Zam: (metallic robot voice) Yes.
Mom: Is that an official military rank, or is it more of a nickname?
Zam: I am commander of The Overlord’s elite guard patrolling the Kingdom of Korv in the Zebulon Nebula.
Mom: Well, we’ll just call it official for now. Now, as you know, we are looking for a new toy for our son, Spencer, and we have been holding a series of interviews to find the right one. So, if you will start by telling me a little about yourself…
Zam: Darkness, the galaxy was darkness and chaos. Twelve empires came and went, and left nothing but destruction in their wake. Then my master, The Overlord, came and made the galaxy safe again. Small bands of rebels remain along the outer rim planets, but with my help, The Overlord will conquer all, and the rebels will be no more.
Mom: Well, that certainly sounds like you are very confident and ambitious! However, I would like to hear a little more about you- your interests, hobbies?
Zam: My purpose is to serve The Overlord.
Mom: That’s so nice. Loyalty and dedication are definitely in short supply these days. But if you don’t mind me saying, it sounds like you don’t have much of a life other than serving your “Overlord.”
Zam: There is only The Overlord. There is nothing else.
Mom: Don’t you have any family? What about your mother?
Zam: I was cloned from specially culled cells at The Overlord’s secret facility on Nargon 16, and raised with extreme discipline by our batch supervisor.
Mom: “Batch supervisor”? Is that like a mother?
Zam: The batch supervisor is charged with overseeing the growth and training of all Level 6 cyborg-clones. Clones not showing superior development are eliminated.
Mom: Sorry to hear that. Did your batch supervisor have a name?
Zam: Connie.
Mom: Your batch supervisor was named “Connie”?
Zam: Yes.
Mom: What was she like?
Zam: She was ruthless. You could see the fire in her one eye. She was there for one thing only, to create an army of warriors, there was no room for…weakness (small metallic sobs)…no, no.
Mom: What’s wrong?
Zam: (Still sobbing) I tried to be perfect for you, Connie. I tried! Every day you would come to me, your dueling scar throbbing red under your eyepatch, and you would try to make me a warrior! I worked so hard to be your favorite, but you had no favorites. All I wanted was your esteem, to feel the warmth of your gaze upon me. You had such soft hands for an evil henchwoman. I wanted you to like me Connie. I wanted to be like your little child. You were more a mother to me than the wire and cloth figure in my pen. Connie! Connie! (weaker) Mommie?!
Mom: Well, Commander, I must say right now that I think we will probably go a different way this time. I am glad, though, that you are getting a chance to work through some issues.
Zam: (Pulling it together somewhat) The rebels! The rebels will be assimilated. All will bow to the will of The Overlord!
Mom: Yes, well, good luck with that, then.
End Part Two
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