The first interview.
(SFX: baby gurgling/cooing sounds throughout)
Mom: So, as you know, we are looking for a new toy for our son, Spencer, and we are happy you could come in and see us today, Mr… Uh…
(SFX: shuffling paper)
Mom: (cont’d) …Mr. Ragbottle. First of all, I would like to hear a little about you, and why you think you would be a good addition to our Spencer’s toy collection.
(Slight pause.)
Mom: Oh, I’m sorry. That’s right. I’m supposed to pull this string here-
(SFX: Pull toy string)
Ragbottle: (scratchy recorded falsetto voice) Hi! I’m Mr. Ragbottle, and I want to be your friend!
Mom: Well, that’s very nice, Mr. Ragbottle, but what I am really looking for is a sense of your qualifications-what you would be bringing to the toybox, so to speak.
(SFX: Pull toy string)
Ragbottle: All right! The very top of the list of my qualifications is my experience. I have been a popular children’s toy for a very long time-
Mom: I don’t mean to interrupt, Mr. Ragbottle, but, how shall I say this, your, uh, age as a toy was a subject of concern when I looked at your resume. I feel like perhaps we had something a bit, newer, in mind.
(SFX: Pull toy string)
Ragbottle: Uh, ok, when you look at it that way, I guess I am a bit long in the old tooth, but there’s still plenty of life in me!
Mom: Oh, I am sure there is. Also, I am sorry to add, my husband is not enthusiastic about his son’s next new toy being a, well, a doll. However, if you were an action figure, I think he would be more likely to agree. Do you have any qualifications in that area?
(SFX: Pull toy string)
Ragbottle: Well, yes, actually! Don’t let the patchwork appearance fool you. I am actually, uh, undercover…incognito as it were! You see, there’s this backstory, that I am actually a knight whose kingdom got, well, there was a coup, and the bad knights came in and took our land, so I went into the woods, with a band of merry men, and we took money from the bad knights, and gave it to all the poor people…
Mom: Isn’t that Robin Hood? You’re just making things up, Mr. Ragbottle.
(SFX: Pull toy string)
Ragbottle: Ok, you got me. But action isn’t everything you know…
Mom: I realize that, but…
Ragbottle: Let me finish! Look, I may be old, and kind of un-exciting, but I am kind, and a loving toy to sleep with, or drag around the house! I’m great at being the friend of all kinds of little kids all around the world! I’m a real hard worker, and I’m, I’m (slowing down voice) Oh, dear, please pull my string again.
(SFX: Pull toy string)
Ragbottle: And best of all, I’m a self-starter!
Mom: Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Ragbottle, we will be making our decision in the next week or so. I’ll show you to the door…
End Part One
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